The year 2020 and the first half of 2021 have been a hard time for all of us around the world. Many people died, many lost their loved ones, millions lost their jobs and thousands became homeless. While this may be the experience of the majority, I had somewhat of a decent life within this period. The "biggest" problem that I had during this time was not being able to use my recently bought PC during the first few weeks of lockdown.
Like others undergoing a Bachelor's degree in the hot property that is the Public Universities in my country, I spent the entire pandemic being an absolute burden to society. While some of my friends did try to go out there and do something, my lazy buttocks could move at most from my bed to my PC. So one might think, what a waste huh! All this time procrastinating doing absolutely nothing. Well, it was not all gloom and dark. There was something bright inside this dark veil of procrastination.
The brightness comes from the incredible time I spent on the internet learning and indoctrinating myself with the woke mentality. Here, I have used the term 'woke' for a much broader term, my term covers all aspects of injustice from social, and political to religious. I spend the entire first half of 2020 trying to reinvigorate my agnostic/atheistic beliefs and trying to indoctrinate my friends on the same doctrine. The hypocritical mindset of fighting indoctrination with indoctrination instead of letting people figure it out themselves seemed fine to me at a point. It was like fighting fire with fire. I felt like a bastion of light in the sea of bigots.
I also became more politically aware during this time, inclined myself toward the left-leaning policies of society, criticized western capitalism, and dreamt that a utopia will be conjured in the future through my vision. I criticized the communist countries for not being 'communist' enough and thought that Karl Marx's ideology was the only path to salvation. I would not realize what an idiot and hypocrite I was until a much later phase of this procrastinating timeline.
The last months of 2020 arrived and suddenly my "hot" university came out of hibernation and threw all sorts of pressure like they could finish what they lost in 2020 within a few months. Of course, it was not to be thanks to our precious teachers and in part thanks to us "best and brightest of the country". The fire of course curriculum was extinguished very soon after a brief flare and I was back to procrastinating. It was at this time I realized what destruction I had done to myself in 2020.
At the start of 2020, when I got admitted to University, I made a conviction that I will be more open and come out of my introvert mentality. During my freshman months, it was close to becoming a reality. I felt like the introvert me was fading and the party animal was coming out. But as soon as the pandemic started things went downhill. As I kept on procrastinating during the lockdown, I became more and more self-centered, spending days without having a face to face conversations with anyone(There were lots of virtual conversations thanks to video games) and soon it seemed like I will choke myself if I go out of my house. I made myself into a bedroom philosopher who can never speak out in public by procrastinating for a year.
The last phase of procrastination was that of reflection, reflecting on what I learned during the pandemic and what loss I caused to my life. I learned that I am a left-leaning woke 'teen-adult' who is trying to have an opinion about everything. But having an opinion about everything is the ultimate soul killer. To have an opinion about everything means there will always be people having the opposite opinion. Soon, you will realize that it is causing more damage to you than good. It is not bad to have an opinion about everything. But it is also not a good idea to express that opinion and expect everyone to accept that opinion and revere you. The last thing other humans want to hear from you is that the thing they believe is correct is wrong. So I stopped trying to preach my wisdom.
Oh and yes, I called myself a hypocrite for believing in communism, you may ask why. Both my parents come from humble backgrounds. But thanks to their hard work and dedication they climbed the ladder of society. They can now afford a 1600sqft flat in downtown Dhaka, provide their son with the best facilities possible and let their son do nothing all day without thinking much. My parents are my role models and then I realized only one economic policy essentially could've supported their meteoric rise, my enemy, "Capitalism".
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